Corrin Vestal

Sunday, April 11, 2021

I miss you dad I’m just glad you are t in any pain anymore I hope you and meme living it up, up there. I know your glad to have her by your side I love you always.

Ricky Rayborn

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Chad was a great person, a close friend and exceptional employee. I knew Chad many years,It isn’t possible to put into words the importance of friendship and how much Chad meant to those of us who knew him.

Chad positively influenced my life in so many ways and will be greatly missed. I do believe with all of my heart, Chad is walking in the presence of Jesus with a new body and no pain.

Ricky Rayborn

Drew Meisenheimer

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Such tough news to hear. Chad was a kind, and smart, and humble gentleman. I was fortunate enough to be business partners with him in Jackson, MS when he ran the MS Blood call center. Our friendship grew because of who Chad was. My sincere condolences to BJ, Chad's daughter, and complete family. He was a good guy that I was fortunate enough to cross paths with.

Rest easy my friend.

Diane Thornton

Friday, December 7, 2018

Chad charged me with telling certain stories at his memorial. Both BJ and I can clearly recall the lighting in the hospital room in the Crews wing of Methodist University Hospital, where we were standing or sitting, and which healthcare team members were present when we had the palliative care discussion, but neither of us remember what the stories were. At the time we laughed. We laughed a kind of relief-swirled-with surreal laughter and knew the antics of “life after diagnosis” would entertain you at this celebration, but when we met with Charles Fowler to plan this little party, neither BJ nor I could recall a single story. Pro Tip: write stuff down.
If I checked his tablet, I could probably find his notes from that day and he would help me out. He was always doing that. You think BJ and I were helping him, but honestly he kept better track of his meds, surgeries, likes, dislikes, medical needs and healthcare teams names than either of us. We were there to be his voice when they wouldn’t listen, to hold his hand when he struggled with pain, to breathe, to cough, to move. Drugged with enough drugs to knock a small city out, he was lucid and an active partner in his careteam until the last month of his life. He lived at a level 9 pain for so many months that it staggered my mind, but he rarely fell to tears and despair. When he did, he inevitably sought me out and we would have long talks on the patio, or at the dining table when he was too weak to sit outside. We would have the difficult conversations. I was always the one pushing for less treatment and more living, he wanted to travel to the beach, but his 3 “good days” out of 28 didn’t make that possible. Watching the trauma his body underwent in an attempt to buy more time was very challenging for me, but it was what he wanted. He made informed decisions and I promised to support his decisions completely. His desire to remain alive perplexed me, the cost he was willing to pay was higher than I would have chosen, but he was only in his 40’s and he was the happiest he had been in a long time. He had met a man he deeply loved, he had a daughter he was incredibly proud of and in whom he took great delight. Corrine loved her daddy and he wanted to see her graduate. He was not ready. He had his fur babies too and a small tribe of friends in his new city of Memphis. He wasn’t ready to leave it all behind, feeling he had just gotten where he wanted to be and so he chose radical treatment after radical treatment and through it all he was the most amazing spirit. Everytime he decided to double down and try another treatment, I vowed to make it as fun as possible. I was in charge of glitter, nail polish, aroma therapy, treats for staff, selfie photo props and room decorations. He was popular on every floor he visited, and he visited plenty.These are the stories I remember, I hope they are the ones he wanted told.
I first met Chad several years ago, we were not life long friends and I actually scared him the first time he met me. Friends of Georges was doing a show and BJ wanted me to meet his new boyfriend and give him the stamp of approval. I don’t consider myself an imposing person, but in 4 inch heels, full stage-makeup and wardrobe a short time before a curtain went up on the show, with fresh memories of BJ’s last relationship disaster in my head, I came across firmly. I would broach no foolishness in a relationship, if he was trouble, he needed to move along. BJ had not been in a good space and there was no time for crazy people. He assured me he was a stable, decent person without a criminal record or drugs habit who was sincerely smitten with our BJ. I said he better be because if he wasn’t I would hunt him down. Chad delighted in telling everyone in hospital that I scared the shit out of him that night. He was afraid of me for months and I didn’t even know it. We laughed about that a lot and he enjoyed watching the nurses reactions each time he retold it. He won over quite a few nurses with his stories and personable ways, even when he communicated with a dry erase board he could make everyone smile and laugh.
One day during a stay, I can’t remember which, but it had been dragging on for days or weeks and he was beginning to lose hope. He cooked up an idea to smuggle the dogs in the hospital and see them. Keep in mind he was unable to leave the bed at this point. He flirted and cajoled the staff, begged, ultimately he tearfully demanded an opportunity to get in a wheelchair and leave the floor. Nobody could find a wheelchair for him to use. I managed to find an orderly and con him out of a transport wheelchair. Chad carefully loaded into the wheelchair and tucked up with a blanket. He had a tracheostomy, could not speak and I did not know the hospital layout like he did, but that man managed to get me to push him in and out of elevators and back ally hallways until we reached a side door where BJ was waiting with the dogs. He had pulled it off. It was FREEZING in that hall, but he was with his babies and the weight of the medical crap and cancer lifted a bit. The dogs licked and snuggled and wiggled and it lasted too briefly, but he had done it and he returned to his room comforted.

Chad was embraced by the drag race dinner group and, more often than not, was there without BJ who worked evenings. Our hosts are the accomplished chefs, Jonathan Cole and Paul LInxwiler and in the years since Chad joined us he has mostly been unable to eat, but he brought dishes to share and would never miss a chance to stick his finger in a flute of champagne and touch the bubbles to his tongue. His zest for life was visible, he pulled his chair up to the table and joined in, never complaining about not being able to eat. He was always gracious, generous and appreciative.
You may have seen the social media pics of his decorated hospital rooms, selfie props we had for staff and heard we had treats for the staff He could not speak and he was the most popular patient on the floor. He lured them in last New Year Eve when we watched his precious Crimson Tide play in some football bowl. He always made a friend and football makes fast friends, so when he was back on that floor at a subsequent admission, nurses who were not on his team came to check on him.
Always a bright light, he would beam whenever his husband walked in the room. He adored BJ, he worried about BJ. I watched him struggle to stay awake until BJ would get off work, then he would patiently listen to that days stories from behind the kitchen door, as a great husband does, and even from his hospital bed he would bring light and love to BJ’s day. Chad did not want to leave BJ. He enjoyed making a home for him, grocery shopping, cooking, planning holidays and parties. He missed being able to control his life, but I am happy to say that BJ stepped up his game and devoted himself to meeting and anticipating Chad’s every need the last month of his life as he was no longer able to do things independently.
He did not want to leave his daughter Corrine. He adored her and though they had been through some teenage angst and conflict during the last 2 years, Chad received a gift many fathers never get, a handwritten letter apologing for pretty typical teenage behavior. The relief he experienced was visible. Her last visit with him buoyed him and also left him exhausted. He used his energy carefully and saved it for that important good bye.
He was fortunate enough to have time to say goodbye to Corrine, to say “i love you” and to hear it back. Thank you Corrine <3 That is a story your father wanted told, his last time with you. He took the time to say good bye to his father, his mother, his sisters and best friends. He left things tidy. He understood that the time was coming, like it or not.
Chad’s last Gay Pride was legendary. It was the largest pride memphis has ever had, but BJ had to work. Ginger and I had conflicting obligations and were deep into the cell-abyss that is Pride so we missed the text that said he was driving to our house (where we weren’t) and taking a lyft to the festival. He walked all over that festival with Ginger Leonard and saw dozens of you. He delighted in that experience, but later confided he had no memory of getting there or much of what had happened. When he finally got to the VIP tent and sat down, he began to fade. His breathing became irregular. I had never seen him do that before. I held him and propped him up so he could breathe easier. He didn’t respond to me talking to him. The minutes ticked by and people walked by. He perked up briefly for Micah and posed for a pic then slipped back into a deep unconsciousness. I was beginning to think he had chosen this, this day, this time to let go and as the hours ticked by I whispered in his ear “You are surrounded by love, if this is your choice, you could not have picked a better day. I love you and I release you.” I was a gin and tear soaked mess by the time Jonathan, Paul and Ginger got he and I out of Pride and home. I’ll never know why he did that. I’ll never know why he picked me to be his buddy through all of this, but I am better for having walked this path with him and grateful for the opportunity to share a few stories of the adventure with you. I am fortunate to have BJ as a partner in crime and a reality check. We’ve shared some rough times and intimate moments. Thank you for trusting me with the love of your life.

Dawn

Thursday, December 6, 2018

My deepest condolences to the family at this difficult time. I hope the words at Rev.21:4 bring you comfort. It says: "God will wipe out every tear from their eyes,and death will be no more,neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Carol Livingston

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

I celebrate Chad's life with his loved ones and pray for peace for those who mourn his passing. Although I did not know him personally, I could feel his warm and loving character. May God rest his soul.

Tara Dearman

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Your kind and caring presence will be greatly missed. I am so fortunate that I got to know and care about you. You fought hard and I will miss you dearly. Prayers for the family and friends that all knew and loved you. Love you and will miss you. #teamchad901

Becki Hawkins

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Prayers and much love and peace to all of the family and friends and especially BJ

What a gift it was to meet Chad! Such a beautiful soul 🙏🙏💜💜

Chad Townsend & Eric Benson

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

My heart breaks for all of you right now. Chad was one of my best and closest friends. One thing about him is that he never gave up. Life wasn’t always good to him, but he didn’t let that stop him. His positive nature rubbed off on anyone lucky enough to be around him. He will definitely be missed. BJ and Corrin, stay strong and know that you’ve got a lot of people supporting you right now and going forward.

Vernon Cullum

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

So very sorry for your loss, the bible gives us hope that soon death will be done away with, and we will have the chance to see our loved ones again. This is a promise from Jehovah God. I hope these scriptures help your family. Revelation 21:3-5, and John 5:28,29.

Kathy Halbrooks

Monday, December 3, 2018

Love and condolences from PFLAG Nashville